Never Fit In

Another Sunday team softball practice leaves me flat and cold. Annoyed again, way too naturally. I am so tired of people who do not give their all in team sports. A few come out and push themselves and really take practice seriously. Practice is meant to learn good habits and improve skills. Practice is meant to test limits and reach beyond them. Too many players on this team mail it in from start to finish. Some of the better players hardly give any effort at all. Meanwhile, as a pitcher, I can't slack off much because I still need to throw strikes and protect myself from batted balls so my intensity level must remain high even if I get tired or if I decide not to push my limits.

I leave practice frustrated that new players are learning bad practice habits from better players who have bad practice habits. It has been this way for year with this team and I am really starting to wonder why I stay. Winning is not an accident. It doesn't just happen. It takes a talented group of people willing to work together to practice good fundamental skills and give the effort to get better and better.

The fact is, I've never fit in with this team. I am the only member of the original team put together five years ago who still makes it to every game and more practices than anyone else (by far) and Every change has brought more younger players because winning has a way of attracting younger good players. We've been to the World Series four out of the five years I've been with the team. Jackson made the team fun for me because I had someone with whom I could share the experience, but everyone else is heavily into drinking and clubbing and Facebooking on their phones (and recently, pokemon) and I just do not fit in. I don't drink anymore and don't like clubs because of all the drinking and I don't want Facebook on my phone so communication and hanging out always leaves me out and nobody makes an effort to text me or include me anymore. As loyal as I've been to Coach - always offering to help him in softball or in life, you'd think a little respect and accommodation for my lifestyle might be considered fair. Alas, not this year. I fall further and further away from the team I helped put together.

I thought maybe after seeing how much I care and give (they were all aware of my devotion to the LBGT community this past month and while I did not do it for the team, it is surprising they did not change the way they leave me out of everything), I might get more respect and appreciation and interaction from other players in the league than I do from my own team where I have been the only pitcher for five years. So today was another day of frustration as nobody really seemed to want to practice and Coach left halfway through to practice with his other team and they got even lazier and sloppier. That's been my primary dissatisfaction with the teams over the years, learning bad habits during practice by being lazy and slippy and not trying at practice. Few players ever seem to want to get better. Everyone complains about the heat.

Back to practice, I finally just put the ball down and said someone else needs to pitch to the last three batters. Three batters were left and the one in the batters box was challenging me by not getting in the batters box and when I said let's go she said chill out and just stood outside the batters box. Everyone had just taken a break and it was my first break (everyone else had at least two or three, but the pitcher pitches). So I decided it was time for someone else to take over what I almost always do because they were taking me for granted and disrespectful. I had just given them a pep talk before we left the dugout encouraging them to push for their best for the last three batters because this practice is nothing compared to playing in the world series... and that was their response.

Childish attitude and disrespect.

She (the batter) made a b-line to Coach who was coaching the team he plays for on another field and interrupted him while he was playing first base so practice had to pause so everyone could hear her complaints about me. A child throwing a tantrum because I would not wait for her attitude and told someone else to pitch to her. I almost decided right there not to go to the series and maybe to join a new team next year, but I won't make that decision in that situation. I think I'll skip next week's practice and tell them they need to find a back-up pitcher for practices because we are the only team without one and I am the oldest player in the league. Respect the pitcher, respect age, respect something.

It doesn't help my feeling good about the team when I've explained to Coach and Manager multiple times that I am stressing over how I can afford the trip and where I am staying and how I will get around and be on time and have any fun experiences and after waiting and stressing for months, I walked over to another team and ask players from another team if I could stay with them and they were very welcoming, just as they were the last time I stayed with them on another road trip. The Coach or Manager obviously did not want to share a room and car with me even after all these years and if they are not going to step up to support me, no less be a friend, none of the kids are going to give me any respect either. I get it, I don't drink or club or party like they do. I am an boring old man to them. But this year I really needed some loyalty and support and I got none, actually less this year than any previous year. Maybe I should take the hint and move on.

Yet they still don't recruit another pitcher and take for granted I will pitch every pitch of every game and every practice (though they did recruit a part-time pitcher for this series... not a good one and a very poor choice in my opinion because he and his partner are known to be disruptive to a team and last year he was exhausted and almost useless halfway through the series (I went with his team) and he makes a lot of errors when he is at his best, but they did not include me in the decisions about who to pick up for this series.

I need a distraction...