To Go or Not To Go

I will likely be very sad if I do not go to practice in the morning. I will likely be very upset if I do go to practice if it is more of the same bullshit laziness and disorganization. Practicing bad habits frustrates me. No education goes on. No coaching individual players on individual skills. No coaching general fundamentals. No discipline. Just some fungo ground balls and fly balls with fielders making little or no effort to improve their skills or learn much. It is not the players fault though, there is no leadership.

Maybe I need to miss a practice to find out how much I miss this team and how much the coaches and team misses me. I am not sure they really want me there because I come with attitude - I do not hide my dissatisfaction with waste-of-time practices and I do not hide my frustration with practices that teach and reinforce bad habits. You want to be lazy, go chase pokemon.

My frustration causes friction between the players close to the coach (the ass kissers) and me and that causes friction between the coaches and me because they complain and I am seen as the creator of dissent and disharmony. Meanwhile, I am the pitcher and only player from the original team still left and the one showing up to more practices than anybody by far and we continue winning year after year. I do not think it is ego alone that suggests I have a lot to do with that.

So when I ask for more of a practice and am told to chill out and when I tell someone else to pitch the practice pitching because I've had enough of chilling out when we should be pushing ourselves to get better and I am told that I am wrong to walk off the mound, I wonder if it is time to find a new team. I am tired of getting frustrated on the mound. I love the game and have fun playing it. I do not have fun being a pitching machine for a lazy team at the casual practices because we are not coached to have serious practices with players trying their best to improve. I think I just talked myself out of going tomorrow.

We shall see the reaction. I rarely miss a practice. I am usually a half hour early. I rarely take a break at practices. I usually pitch every pitch while others get rest time and slip into sloppy play. It may be interesting to see their reaction to my not showing up. I am tired. I have not been feeling my best lately. It is time I put myself first for once. They need to find another practice pitcher. I've asked for that for years. I am not getting younger and I am their only pitcher so logic and caring say don't wear me out, but they expect me to pitch every practice. Bending to pick up the ball at least a few hundred times is not good for an aging back. I've talked about the wear that puts on my arm and back and body and they say they understand. Still, no back-up pitcher.

So the only way I don't pitch is if I don't show up (or if I raise a stick and sour the practice). So let it be. Sleep in tomorrow. Take care of myself. The world will turn without me.

And how are you?