Wanting Not Doing

I really want to update this blog (and Good Intentions too) but even with the best of intentions I have many entries waiting for me to find the time to edit and upload (or at least upload) but time has just not been allotted to being online enough to return to the process (who recalls the process, I wonder)...

would you like to swing on a star?
do you know why you are where you are?
or who you are to everyone?
or even to your the one?
have you found your the one?

searching for a lifetime for a dream
the other half of the perfect team
partner soulmate true love heart's desire
sidekick alter ego blessed fire
consort cohort comrade companion confidante
best friend lover trustee intimate debutante

you don't know how many times I wished that I had told you
how much I cherish you, how much I want to love you
I will beg, borrow, or steal anything to convince you
if only you say you want me to, I'll give my all to you

would you like to fall in love that much?

. . .


Leaving rhymes unfinished used to be a sign of feeling wasted and maybe even hopeless, though hopelessness never lasted long in this life for me because part of my core philosophy, probably the second most important phrase after honesty without harm is there's always hope (I hope) with a smirk in parentheses that creates the never ending loop in the phrase (it is the song that never ends). I mean, I hope there's always hope so there's always hope, I hope, get it?

Yeah so anyway, wanting to update this blog and upload the many dozens of entries in various forms of completion is a far cry from actually doing it which brings us to the biggest disappointments of life. How many of us want to do something we don't do. All the things I love to do most in this life I either don't do anymore or rarely do it. I definitely hope writing and blogging does not ever become one of those things because this process of writing keeps me sane and balances and happy and uploading words keeps hope alive that someone will actually care about me (not just want to care, ya see) and that hope keeps me functionally alive.

This blog is turning into the distraction from reality, the escape from the daily life because the daily life is so challenging today. Every day, another funeral or more. Every day, people breaking down and I stand there listening and showing them strength and support. Every day I get home and do it again on Facebook in the support groups.

Other things happen, but they don't seem important. Caring from strangers is so much deeper than daily life. Sigh, I will miss the caring and the being needed, but I am tired. Tragedy is draining. Healing is draining. Living...

Stay Strong.