The Next Step

For reasons I may discover some time down the road if I choose to look back and re-read and remember the events of the days leading up to and immediately following the pause, I paused the process of uploading entries for almost a month (so far) and even paused the writing daily during much of that time. Facebook occupied much of my online time, but online time was minimal this past month. Most of my time was spent outside standing vigil and offering support for the community. Pulse.

Irony, coincidence, fate, whatever we might believe the explanation or reason, I had the free time (not working) to live the love and giving that makes me happy for the past month and make caring a verb. Opportunities like that do not come around every day since most every day of this life we are working and too busy to give much time to anything. I am reminded of how much I have and can give and how much worth there is in my way of being, which was a great gift for me. It was challenging, especially alone. I didn't look out for myself at all and have no real new contacts for a job, which was foolish, but then, this was not about me except to give me the opportunity to enjoy the pleasure of giving. For as much as enjoyment could happen the past few weeks.

The stresses about money and the questions of my worth that come about when I have no job dissolved into the useless pool of meaningless thoughts as the sense of purpose filled my days and nights. Each night I would return to the group a few of us created on Facebook to support the community through weeks filled with funerals, viewings, vigils, and events bringing caring hearts together to hold each other and remind each other we are not alone.

Now I ponder the next step. Support the group healing, that's for sure. Support the actions and gatherings in the community to heal. Return to some sense of balance and routine in this daily life. Hopefully return to updating here and in the brief blog daily. Start looking at the job market again. Enjoy the summer, partnerless (the loneliess are strong lately), but not friendless. Appreciate what I have.

Narf. :)