maybe reawakening

Step one came from memory tonight and most of this too, except for a paragraph linking to tomorrow somewhere below because, as I said, sleep came sweeping me away before the computer finished updating and scanning last night so the dirt, drama, and details of the day come in retrospect and that leaves it quite precariously dependent on memory, in case it matters, for what it's worth. And for better or worse, the circadian rhythm is turning day into night and night into day as my natural nocturnal clock is permitted to find it's balance, a balance I must constantly resist when working the usual day shift. Oh, how I long for the perfect world for me where I fit in perfectly and everything is perfect. Not really, but it would be nice to find someone else to share a similar rhythm and rhyme as mine.

Today I allowed sleep to come and go in as natural a course as I've allowed since the working responsibilities stopped. Still not completely free of the day-time time-clock rhythm, but without the dog, the cat, the girl, the job, and the social engagements, my personal rhythm comes closer once again. I woke a couple of times and laid back down for a couple of naps and feel almost refreshed, perhaps even as close as 49% me which is closer than I have been in quite some time (a deeper reflection and assessment may come, but that is left for further inquiry for now).

I then headed out to renew a prescription and shop, but the prescription was going to take at least 90 minutes so I, in my subtle way, asked for a free pill as I was going to miss my evening dose if I did not get one. "Oh dear," I lamented, "what am I do to? I suppose I will just have to miss a dose." The lady behind the counter looked at me and I must have struck just the right look of self-reprisal and forlorn as she reached up to the shelf for a bottle and put one tablet into my empty bottle and gave it back to me. Bringing the empty bottle presents a good effect in these situations. I thanked her profusely and she smailed and said Don't you tell anyone. and I swore myself to secrecy and gave her a huge smile back. We shared a laugh.

So I put off shopping and headed straight to Curly's house for a hot shower, dinner, and cards. Oh, the clean feeling after a hot shower was sweet. Not quite ideal as he has a really tight flow limiter restricting the spray and I rush through out of respect for his water bill (a twenty minute shower is not respectful to Curly nor to the planet, but oh how I (psychologically) and the muscles want one so badly). I appreciate Curly's gifts greatly.

The burgers I bought a few weeks ago were discovered in the freezer (he did not find them last week) and that made for a main course while leftover pork loins were defrosted earlier in the day to make two different slow-cooked pulled pork and beans pots aided by macaroni salad and sauteed mushrooms (with onions, carrots, and garlic) made for a yummy meal for five and then, fun with the cards. Tonight we played one or two games of Oh Hell and one two games of Hearts. I did not come in last. Even won the last game of hearts. All the games were much fun.

I arrived home again after midnight, I decided to let Spybot do it's thing and it took a while. While waiting for Spybot to finish it's scans, I played Ruzzle for an hour or more (and finished first for the day and third in the weekly tournament), then I played chess for a game or few (level three, easy wins... I use chess as a sleep aide, so I keep it easy), then I ponder the life as I know it, though not very deeply, and then, before I got started in the nightly updates, I fall asleep. But before I rolled over into bed, I wrote this.

I am beginning to crave sharing again, deeper sharing. I keep busy socially. I share activities with others, friends and aquaintences, daily. Each day of the week, except for Wednesdays, there is a scheduled group activity now. Friday evenings, Saturday afternoons (and mornings whenever I feel like waking early), Sunday all day, and Monday evenings there is softball. Tuesday and Thursday evenings there is cards and games. Additional social time at sports bars is often available after the softball as there is usuall a group who head out for food and drink. Still, I crave deeper sharing again. The space is available again.

Maybe reawakening? :)