wide awake at 4am

As I said, it is what it is when the dark clouds come around and cliches come around to try to save me. I only go down so I can go up again (thank you Alseigh Brilliant). It is only darkest before the dawn. You must know emptiness to feel fulfilled. It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. The best thing about hitting bottom is that there is nowhere to go but up. I see rainbows through my tears.

The past few days or more I've wasted a lot of time on facebook lamenting the loss of the pages I created to save myself from boredom and depression during the last months of last year. As if the cruelty of humanity was not already a major aspect of my experience in this life, Facebook decided that the name I used on Facebook for almost ten years was a violation of their "no psuedonyms" policy and instead of asking me to change the name to my actual name, Facebook blocked the account and demanded legal documentation proving who I was. As if I was about to upload a driver's license, passport, or any other legal ID into cyberspace.

I was trying to be positive about life in spite of my sudden unemployment and other loses and apparently Facebook would have no part in it. To Facebook we are just dollar signs, potential customers for their sponsors. In that atmosphere finding a real friend is not likely and as I learned, keeping in touch with real friends, softball teams and schedules, social groups, and anything else include one's own sanity is not part of Facebook's policy.

Many nights I am wide awake at 4am hearing John Bettis and Albert Hammond penned lyrics in my head and asking the same question, is there someone in this crazy world for me? for I am one of the natural nocturnals as my circadian rhythm is geared to wake at night. My mind rarely wants to sleep and is always seeking more stimulation so I used Facebook to provide me with amusements and distractions and started keeping track of music to remember (because music used to be so very important to my happiness, creativity, and sanity) and even started keeping track of stuff I might want to check out someday. We do live in a material world, after all. I was using Facebook to set back in touch with the news of the world and did much light reading and saw many scary and silly things (and some inspiring, true as I wasted my time building pages to share and to record my journey online. Some of the stuff I uploaded to pages was stuff I did not have time to read or watch, but Facebook offered a great way to maintain a library. Untill they revoked my library card.

They may have been unhappy with my social and political comments as I was starting to communicate with people on many current events asking thinks like is this OK with you? and trying to promote independent views in the hope that we could all be inspired to change America for the better, but I found that there are a whole lot of people addicted to their fears and hate and they simply would not welcome an honest inquiry into their fixed opinions and closed minds, especially not when it came to politics and my guess is it was a Hillary supporter or Republican who was not happy with my questions about their statements and record. My intent was to find out which candidate was best to be President, but Facebook seemed to have it's own agenda and the sense I got is that it was very much to push Hillary and censor those questioning her.

I was trying to use Facebook as an extra head for stuff I wanted to remember like providing tips for the WWIII generation and help for anyone who might need help. Even the religious who said they knew it all and did not like my questions (yes, I questioned all the religious too).

So sadly, Bugs Webbot was put down and wqhile I maintain hope for the return of Bugs Webbot (since Facebook is storing many years worth of photos of my personal life, which seems somehow at least immaral if not illegal (I know, terms of service, you sell your soul to the website when you click agree) and I would like to download my personal photos even if they never reinstate the account. I refuse to be forced into the imaginary world of facebook as a pretend real person and there are certainly serious privacy issues when a website will not communicate or identify a human being who will actually receive my legal documention proving I am a human being. I asked for a name and proof of identity of the actual real human person I am trusting with a copy of a legal document that could be used to steal my identity and Facebook never responded to my multiple queries for that person's information. Suspicious at best.

Just send us your bank statement, photo ID, social security card, passport, driver's licence, voter registration card, utility bills, credit card statement, or any number of a dozen other forms of legal photo ID with printed full legal name and birthdate and we won't do anything with the information other than reinstate your account. They obviously never heard of security breaches, hacking, corrupt employees, or accidents.

So I started a couple of new pages including a Bugs Webbot page and a Bugs Webbot group dedicated to the memory of the real friends, personal contacts, personal photos, and other personal information Facebook is holding hostage hoping they can get my identity in real life in their corporate clutches as if I don't get enough SPAM and junk from them and their affiliates.

And so I mean I wasted time on Facebook in years, at least for now, but then, waste is relative to perspective, discovery, and personal value. I mean, all this could be wasted time too. On the other hand, it's good for me, even if nobody ever knows.

As the brithers Gibbs eloquently stated, it's only words... and personal photos and worlwide connections.