Thursday, November 24, 2016

Feeling Crappy

I was not feeling well yesterday or today. Likely it was at least in part due to the change of meds back to the BP med with the diuretic as that takes some adjusting for the body, especially as it came when I was attempting to refocus my diet on extremely lean again, another shock to the system. The body was not sleeping well this week and the mind sleeping even more poorly for who knows how many reasons. I did eat a lot more calories and salts and spices for four days in a row coming into Monday of this week and returning to fasting took it's toll. I had gained 5 pounds between last week's doctor's appointment and this week's doctor's appointment, so rededicating myself the healthy weight loss diet and routine was essential - but the iron levels dropped to a point where I was feeling very poorly (another contributing factor... did I mention I was feeling crappy yet?). All the other blood values (except kidneys, which did improve greatly) returned to normal with the 23 pound weight loss and healthier eating, so that is great news.

Eventually the lab results will be summarized and uploaded to the body blog (I said that last time and never got around ti it, didn't I?... well, the summary is somewhere and I will get around to it one of these days... in case it matters to anyone but me, la la la la). Ultimately the very low iron was a serious concern for the doctor and points to a possible sign of blood loss somewhere and my GI doctor appointment was upgraded to the chief specialist at the free clinic who comes in just once a month. The chances of me getting a free colonoscopy went up a lot, though I was cautioned to not get my hopes up too high as even for the few free colonoscopies they do, it can take months before an appointment is set up. I see the GI Specialist on December 19th. Imagine, looking forward to a colonoscopy. Getting older is a strange experience of changing perspectives and values lol.

So what else brings me here to feeling crappy?

Well, I was out late, outdoors in below 50 degrees in a T-Shirt Sunday night after a full day outdoors at the softball fields and may have chilled the body enough to lower the resistance. I also ate a whole lot more carbs and calories than I have in two months. Monday was a typical day except for the bloat which was not fun. I got a call for a job interview for December 1st. A Health Department Investigator Manager job, I think. Fingers are crossed. I must make sure I have clean and pressed clothes before then, which is not simple when everything is packed in boxes in storage twenty minutes away and cleaners is not in the usual budget, but I'll figure something out.

We interrupt this bit of babbling for a moment of Fiscal Reality (Dau Dau Dauhhhh!)... I spent way more than the budget this month with the move, storage, car insurance payment, and a whole lot of necessary and unnecessary self-indulgences - I must slam down on the brakes immediately or I will lose the car if I need to start paying rent and I don't find income within a few months. The car, sigh, another big thorn between Jackson and me... I bought it in February of 2014 specifically after a serious talk with her contingent on her promise to pay her share of the bills. She didn't (still doesn't), then the job loss, now the savings going down fast, and the health issues, and... Calm Down!!!... lol, ok, de-stress, forgive, love, be who you are and everything will work itself out somehow (positive self-talk).

Enough fiscal reality - that's the way to push people away and that's the last thing I want to do.

The usual Wednesday blahs (it's been a pattern these this past year that I have nothing pre-scheduled for Wednesdays and I try to enjoy a relaxing restful day of doing little or nothing but it's been more a day of depressive reflection this year and though I was not feeling unduly dark or depressed, I was feeling very not well) and it could be that the body is fighting off a bug or few and the lab results and serious concerns the doctor expressed on Tuesday. I spent most of Tuesday and Tuesday night and Wednesday and Wednesday night watching TV, catching up on CBS shows and started watching Timeless most of tonight. Then there's sunrise.

The ear continues screaming so loud. Pulsing. The blood pressure definitely continued rising since changing meds last week and even if the doctor did not agree to me going back to the meds I was on, I was going to do it anyway - so good she agreed. My nose is running, my throat is scratchy, my energy is low, my blah is high. The low iron is the factor the nurse and doctor and my medical training emphasized. The change in medication plays a role as those are side effects and while the body got used to the meds, going off for a week and started again Tuesday night likely brought them back temporarily. Spending too many consecutive hours in this very high mold environment may play a role as well, but I've got to get used to it if I am to stay here through January and I am welcome to do that. Not sleeping is probably the largest contributing factor as it always affects my moods and equilibrium one way or another and it definitely sent me into a really crappy physical feeling that lasted into this morning.

I cancelled plans for dinner with Jane, who is the most positive overall energy I know in the physical life these days. She invited me to her place and then changed the invite to go to her friend's place and I just was not up to visiting strangers for a Thanksgiving dinner when not feeling well (not liking the holiday does not help, but that's another story). I had four other invitations so I am appreciative - though not from Jackson, alas, which hurts, but she is still working through her co-dependency on me and her guilt for draining my savings and not reciprocating now, so I understand. I just don't have to like it.

Gonna sit back on the bed, rest, and watch some more TV.

Maybe more sleep will help.

Narf :}

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