I wonder how we'd feel if there was a Bureau of Caucasian Affairs. Or a Bureau of African American affairs, for that matter.
Yeah, so anyway, back to the report (or record) of the daily life...
So most the day started out slow as packing means sorting through possessions and kept possessions are kept because they hold meaning and memories and sentiment and even emotional baggage and all that heaviness and remembrances of people and places and experiences flash through the mind and body and space and that can make me so long to share that doing it alone becomes a tedious, even painful process. Yeah, that's where the day started out. I texted Jackson a few times, but she works so I stopped when I felt I was intruding too much. she feels bad or guilty when I reach out because I am alone which makes me hesitate to reach out sometimes which just makes me feel more alone so I try to balance the gift of sharing she can offer with the need for sharing honesty and truth and so on. (I am where I am today largely because of her as I burned through about a three hundred thousand dollars in living expenses during the seven or eight years we were roommates cuz she and the animals needed things and she couldn't afford them or to consistently chip in for the bills... long story, but the bottom line is I'd be comfortable paying my own way and looking for a job with no pressure had I not burned through six figures of income and savings... so I think we both feel like she owes me at least the little time and attention I request as she has been depending on me for a lot and calling me her BFF for many years).
I love Jackson... she is my closest family and i want her to be happy in her life and I think she is... she just hasn't found me a replacement BFF yet (I know, that's my job, but she can help, right? lol). See what sorting through stuff does, all the memories of living with her from somewhere around 2008 through 2016 are rising to the surface and I miss her as a person and I miss having a roommate who truly loves and trusts me and whom I can trust and with whom I could share almost anything (that would not upset her, which is what these blogs are for, after all... if you every read this, get over the guilt and appreciate the trust and love and embrace the best of intentions we both have and enjoy it and there you have one of the secrets to happiness, stability, confidence, and security in this life... don't say I never told ya, m'ok?... we laughin, right?) and I feel so alone doing this major stuff-sorting and packing and move all by myself. Thank goodness Lone Wolf offered to help with the actual move tomorrow... I doubt he knows what he is getting into and hope he is not pissed when he finds out. Lots of heavy stuff. Harpo would come help if I asked, but he says he can't lift heavy stuff and all I've got is heavy stuff (mostly boxes... a bed, recliner, bookshelf, washer, and dryer) and because he is who he is he would drive himself (and us) crazy just standing around because he would want to help. I could ask others, but everyone works (Lone Wolf has the day off). Curly already reprimanded me too often for interrupting his work days with a friendly text or two so I would not ask him to use his time, energy, and trailer as it seems more comfortable to pay for the rental truck.
Anyway, the day progressed much much better once I processed the loneliness and accepted doing most of this move alone (and accepted that it is really happening). I did go to the storage place and signed the papers and paid the money so I have officially contracted for storage which was a concrete step. Concrete steps always release tension and stress. I may have gone out to the Chinese Buffet since I had no food in the place and that may have released much stress and set the weight loss plan back a month, but hey, gotta eat, And compromise. But mostly it was packing, packing, packing. And labeling the boxes. So mostly it was packing, packing, and more packing and labeling the boxes. Box after box was filled with stuff and labeled on all four sides so maybe once they are in storage the stuff inside will be more predictable and therein more accessible without having to open each box. There are some boxes under he bed I may not get to label properly but I will deal with those tomorrow or down the road. I will trade help from Lone Wolf for the time it would take to go through every single box not already labeled during the move tomorrow. Hopefully it will all fit into the storage place with room to spare to open some tables and sort through stuff.
The as you might already know, the evening was continued packing while Sweating the Cubbies.
Are we having fun or what?