Thanksgiving reminded me that I miss Jackson more than I want to and don't understand (at least not completely) why she still texts multiple times a day and calls me her BFF when she so seldom makes time to get together and doesn't seem to want to know what's going on in my life. I got five or six invitations to Thanksgiving dinner from people who do not call me BFF and I don't think all of them were just feeling sorry for me. Anyway, alas, I treasure the few words in each text and even it is just pretending she cares (though I know she really does care in her heart, she is just used to not putting it into actions for reasons buried deep in her psyche that we won't analyze here out of respect for her privacy). What can you do with family like that?... Sing how do you solve a problem like a Jackson? shout flibbertijibbet! and just go on loving her for the beautiful being she is.
So I went back to sleep and woke twice more to urinate (getting used to the diuretic is an inconvenience, alas), and finally woke late afternoon feeling a lot better, though still not up to par (no less great). Took my vitamins. I watched some TV and after a couple of hours felt a little better and even hungry.
Expecting little to nothing open at 7pm on Thanksgiving, I searched online for places that might be open and found nothing nearby (no surprise) and I pondered a bit and then decided to drive out hoping one of my two favorite pizza places would be open, but they were not. I found a CVS and Walgreens open and picked up food there. I completely threw my healthy weight loss diet plan out the window, indulging my emotional food monster and whatever, and settled for the decadence they had (though it could have been much worse). I bought a Digiorgio pizza, a Velveeta a cheeseburger dish, Deans onion dip, cheese doodles, Lays chips, True Moo chocolate milk, and Keebler fudge sticks (dam those elves lol). Hey, I could have bought ice cream and a whole lot more, so I'll forgive myself and move on.
Being in a critical mood did not help as the frozen pizza was mediocre and the dip was eh and, well, I decided I'd document the fudge sticks complaint I have experience many times before. being in the mood did not alter the reality or truth in the , just inspired me to document it. The pizza was way too bready as I was not in the mood for that much bread and it definitely did not have enough cheese and, well, it was frozen pizza so I got what I paid for. Way more expensive than at a supermarket, as was everything else. Wah wah wah, wasted money and calories, but impulsive self-indulgences do that.
Keebler Fudge Sticks are one of my favorites cookies and every time I buy a package I wonder if the wafers will be fresh or stale. At least half the time they are stale and I look at the date on the package and there is at least six month left. I tell myself never to buy them at a convenience store of small store. I have come to realize that the date on the package can not be trusted. This particular product is not dated properly and I will try to remember to write to Keebler to let them know.
So what else is new? (laughing as I surface from my babbling to notice my self-indulgent complaining mode is in full swing... it is the loneliness and left-out-ness and betrayal and overall dislike of humanity inflamed by my personal health and economic situation and lack of love and this holiday, no doubt. The good news is I can laugh at myself so I am not a lost cause, just the occasionally depressive cynic lol lam).
Morning comes and at least I am still rambling, always a good sign.
and a more positive perspective
but I am not making my wishes
come true to well these days
Maybe I am just paying some dues
or simply lost somewhere reflective
but life is far from auspicious
and a song of silence plays
longing for better days
Stay Calm and Narf :)