Saturday, December 2, 2017

Calling From Somewhere

I sense a mild explosion either occurred (like underground so something more is about to happen) or is about to occur, pending moments, not directly related to input but the usual combination of things... influences... stuff... components of perceptions that lead to perspectives that inspire words that produce writing.

Only for a moment then the moments gone?

Let's hope not.

My dear wonderful Z0tl (known by so many names, but what is in a name, after all, it is the person within who matters and yes, he matters so very much to me... if only you knew your value) reminds me of so many things with a few words... first, he reminds me that I do not check comments anymore. I do not even remember how to check comments anymore. I think an email goes to an email address I rarely check. I believe there is some sort of icon buried in the dashboard of this blogger site. The simplicity of the dashboard design that Google murdered and complicated with the current dashboard is still a pain in the ass to navigate so I stopped trying. Boo, for almost a month passed without my noticing a comment.

I saw Love Never Dies last week. Maybe I mentioned that, but it's still playing in my head. The Phantom of the Opera sequel. It was excellent even from the nosebleed seats that my friend picked up (she tries to keep costs down, which is disappointing because I like to splurge on really good seats when I go to shows or concerts) with only average sound. Oddly, a whole lot of millions went into building the new Orlando performing arts center and a lot of fuss was made selling the expenditure pointing at bad sound and seating at the old center here, but the new center is quite disappointing and the old center had better sound. Surprising. The show was fantastic though. And of course, very personal to me.

I relate too well to the Phantom. Way too well. The abandonment, the isolation, the devotion to music and love, the addiction (once in love with amy, remember?). Willing to give everything I own and make everything I do to and for someone, remember? Yeah, way too well.

This week was busy with work and each day was great. I still love it and am getting more comfortable in the position every day. The idea that the rug could be pulled out from under me suddenly without any warning for no apparent reason hovers hauntingly in the back of my mind and may linger for the rest of my working life, but I am enjoying this job and saving money and hopefully satisfying my boss.

The week went by so quickly I forget what evenings were, but I think I blogged. I am probably repeating myself in this catch up fugue, just waking. I slept deeply one night for a long time. I adjusted to the change in diet. That was probably the distraction that kept me focused so much that time passed without me noticing. I kind of hold my breath, mentally, when I change diets. Pretending not to notice will power suddenly returned so it might hang out a bit. I ate nothing Monday and may have eaten nothing Tuesday. Wednesday I went to an Asian buffet and crashed Wednesday night. Thursday and Friday I reached for more balance and was happy that the cravings for salt and sugar and fats and carbs and pasta and cheese and tomato sauce and chocolate and many other comfort foods were subsiding some. Friday night they returned and tonight I am resisting. And doing laundry.

That was my week, mostly.

Your turn :)

I need a haircut so maybe I'll find a place tomorrow. Maybe not, since I'll be sweaty and once I get home from softball practice and I don't think I'm going to want to go out again after I shower. More laundry and enjoying the privacy and rest. Finding a place/person I trust to cut my hair is challenging. I've looked numerous times over the past several months. Same for a doctor. I need to choose a doctor.

Right now though, I need to head out to softball.

Hope you have fun today too :)

Narf :)

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