Alone Again?

The universe definitely does not want me to stay focused on the holiday this weekend is on my personal calendar. So many distractions and powerful emotions and confusion and challenges and changes... no no no, I was on the right track, I was coming back to my core... maybe Toronto was right, maybe I am better off alone no matter how painful it gets, no matter how hopeless it feels, no matter how close to giving up and letting this body die I get.

My heart breaks, aches, my core being demands I care and share unconditionally. It is my place in this world. It is why I exist. It is the secret to everything. Helping others, being family, that is life. All life is family. All humans are family. Biology, psychology, universal energy. If only someone would understand. Two could be so much more influential than one.

I must keep going. I must continue. I must not lose touch with the flow. I stopped for breakfast this morning. Coffee, my way, and a breakfast burrito and a bagel with cream cheese from Wawa. The burrito was cool, not even warm enough to be safe to eat with egg in it. The bagel was a hockey puck. I almost broke a tooth trying to bite into it. There is no way the girl behind the counter did not feel how hard the bagel was when she cut it, held it, and spread cream cheese on both sides. I was so pissed I wrote to Wawa and the Better Business Bureau. Serving the bagel was a risk, but serving food, especially eggs, not heated to safe temperatures is a serious risk.

Like I said, the distractions are pouring in so fast I am not sure the universe is with me, but I must go one, I must continue, even if it is against the universe. Sometimes, counterpoint is needed to maintain balance in any system. Even chaos needs some sort of equilibrium.

Will the words come now
Have I reached too far?
Human limits trap me
But I don't know what they are
Is it what I've been taught?
How much more can I know?
And how sure can I be?
Oh?

Watching Touch, a story about the inter-connectivity of everything. Subconsciously, perhaps unconsciously, I understand. The sad incorporation of the god delusion remains the tripping point of every story coming close to the answer. Interesting the Hebrew god is the one references in this story. And there's some Rabbi somewhere keeping track of the whole kit and kaboodle (or is that kittenkaboodle?... kittenandpoodle?), right? Human ego. Human arrogance. As if a human would have control of a god. Cross out a name, someone dies. Write a name, someone is born. Transfer a name from one list to another, the person changes. Amazing, right?

Indeed.

lol.

sigh.

Distractions.

Oooooo!

And there's a lot more I have to say...

Famous last words or prophesy?

Only the producers and studio executives know for sure lol :)

Losing my mind... I just searched for my phones and wondered if I left them at Wawa. I looked around the room and could not find them. went out to the car and did not see them but was distracted by an old woman dressed in raggedy clothes pushing a bicycle on the street (surreal imagery, spooky moments) who just happened to be passing as I went to the car and she called out hello... how you doing? and I looked up and said hello... I went back inside, then thought... on the seat and sure enough, the phones were on the seat out of view because of the center compartment. There were the two mayonnaise packets I did not find too. Amazing, I know.

If only Z was here, he'd inspire me to fly or something.

Dear Blog Family, the precious. The entry before and my comment offer still more reminders of why I continue reaching out and offering adoption. Some puzzle pieces fit so well, we can suspend time and space and just commune over a few words and tthe illusion of not being alone. It is so sad when we have no one with whom we can share that illusion.

perhaps that is why we dance.

Narf...