Monotonotopea

Life almost feels a tad bit monotonous today. I mean, holiday weekend and other than the party, I didn't do anything but watch TV, relax, do laundry, and not get enough sleep, as usual. I should have shopped because I was supposed to give my co-workers a present (under $5) and I still haven't found what I'm looking for (which is a frog and a picture frame and something for the boss). I found a few cute stuffed frogs but I don't know if she's into stuffed animals. Am I trying too hard to please or impress? I will see if I can find something tomorrow if I follow through with my tentative plan to leave the desk for a while. I've been getting a lot of good stuff done at the desk the past few weeks, but I am getting a tad bit monotonous, remember?

As opposed to onomatopoeia, naturally.

I suppose all I have to do is thrown a few videos into a blog entry and people find it, as opposed to just words which seem to get zero views, at least for the first day or two.

It was a holiday, after all.


Sure, but actually I was watching Pi, who needed to get a life. Get it?

Quick: Random people break into song on the subway, what do you do?

Do you join in? Harmonize? Pretend not to notice? Bolt out the door the moment the train stops? The decisions you make make you who you are. Do you think about the decisions you make? Relevant fact can be as irrelevant as you want them to be. I miss being cared about I really do. I miss someone noticing if my hair is a mess or if my clothes are wrinkled or if I have nose hairs showing... I miss someone noticing me, paying attention to me, caring about me.


1998 technology was ancient. The sad joke of the human mind is that people will kill to obtain something that is obsolete in a matter of days. People will spend five times more on the latest technocrap when they can have the same thing for five times less if they just wait a few months, a year at most. Ten years ago few people had smart phones. A Gigabyte was an amazing amount of storage space. There might even have been a chance the planet would not be rushed into a cataclysmic change that makes most life extinct again. But the oligarchs won't have it. Especially not when man of them believe in the rapture and holy wars and pretending they will be forgiven for fucking up this life if they just say they are sorry. The ridiculous avoidance of responsibility is the benefit and the curse of religious belief.

Spirals and patterns and mathematics and cults. The human mind is to amazing, so full of untapped potential, but what do you do if a beautiful woman shows interest in you? Or a beautiful man, for that matter. Or a beautiful mind, in fact. Or anyone. Archimedes. Pythagoras. Euclid. Da Vinci. Galileo. Einstein. Heinlein. Close to the edge. How do we know when we are crossing over? Impatience is the death of knowledge. When you stop letting ear scare you, you may start to understand.


See, the answer is still blowing in the wind, you just stopped paying attention. Too cheap to pay attention. Attention is a valuable commodity, after all. Thing is, it is reciprocal. The more you give, the more you get. Answer the phone.

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The ants know.

So I distract myself from the loneliness, the aloneness, the longing for attention, the emptiness of not being cared about. Oh yeah, that again. Distractions don't work as well in a monotonous life. I long for the madhouse, the quiet solitude. The voices keep screaming these days, the tinnitus in the left, the waxy wail in the right, the peanut gallery running amock (or amuck, for that matter) and there is not the glimmer of anyone in sight who gives a hoot. Not even an owl.

Will no one stay awake with me?

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The monotony is killing me, but no one seems to care.
What have I done to bring on this isolation?
I live in a never ending ending
Living in desperate desolation

Amusing myself with imaginary friends
and memories of friends left far behind
my thumb to the sky as the story ends
as I pretend I haven't lost my mind

someone make me your experiment
put me in a cage
someone feed and study me
as I slowly age

give my life a meaningful state
excise my despair
someone give me some attention
just pretend you care

The monologue is killing me, but it's becoming clear
I created this great emancipation
I live in a never ending ending
living in desolate desperation

still I can forget if I just lose my mind
in this way this life can still be kind

dancing in the flowers of our dreams
nothing is quite as bad as it seems
leave the pain behind and sing along
lose your mind with me inside this song


So the last hopelessly hopeful romantic still lives in fairy tales and the last heartlessly heartbreaking ballad still dreams love never fails and the last chance for the last lost innocent child is moments away, don't let it pass, don't be defiled - you can save a life if you just dare to show you care yes you can save a life if you just dare to overcome fear oh you can save a life if you just show someone you are there because the truth is so simple you've always known... when you care the life you save is your own. . . . and you don't always have to be alone.

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When this entry started it was yesterday and in spite of the time it is 4 AM again and here I am wide awake without a soul in sight still just hanging on the hope that I'm alright (la la la) still just hanging on the hope that I'm alright. . . . in the garden of a madhouse...