Sunday, December 3, 2017

Full Moon Light

Yes, it is a new year (my year and yes, you had to be there and maybe I'll find some explanatory notes one day before I finally unpack all my storage stuff or maybe not and there are hints and links and explanations all over these written gardens, just not here and now for the moment,so suffice to say I have my own calendar and my year begins yesterday, December 1st, that is). This is the loneliest date (and weekend) of the year. I received three phone calls from work, spent time with softball acquaintances, ate dinner with Helen, texted Jane, and here I sit aching with loneliness because no one knows who I am, really. Not even friends who've known me for years.

So I am doing laundry. Eb is away for the weekend and I am taking advantage of the privacy sitting here as I prefer to be, nude, listening to a college football game and typing these words. Dinner was delicious. The best quality shrimp I've tasted at a buffet on par if not better than the top similar (Asian) buffet in town. I did not have dessert. Had two bowls of hot and sour soup instead. Even that was very good. The eggplant with garlic was excellent. The lace was very busy, so turnover helped, but the cooks did well with higher-then-usual quality food. I did not find duck, though I was told it was up there. Trying to keep the calories down, even on my pig-out day. Now five or six days of extreme calorie reduction until next week. Balance the few calories and take supplements o be sure the body gets all of the nutrients it needs, but another attempt at a one thousand (or less) calories a day dietary regime until I am back under 2000 and then under 1300 until I am under 190 with increased exercise.

This is essential for life.

OK, I did it. I mean, besides laundry which is a work in progress. I sent in my LEX listings. $27 extra dollars for 54 extra words (74 words total... I wonder if it's a record lol) were submitted to LEX (The Letter Exchange) and am seriously excited. :)

These are my listings:

Creative Writing
Did not die, faded away (no goodbye, back today).

Daily Life
Blogging Naked, Softball Addict, Foodie, Seriously Irreverent, Seeking Soulmate.

Health & Wellness
I came here to lose weight.

Hobbies
Lyrics

Humor
See my Health listing.

Insights
Unplanned musical references (how many do you see?)

Literature
Time Enough For Love, Illusions, Lorax, thumb always up to the skies.

Metaphysics & New Age
Love Unknowns.

Movies & Television
Sci-Fi without wars?

Music
Harry Chapin, Jackson Browne, Moody Blues, Elton- Bernie, Billy Joel, Melissa Etheridge, Beatles…

Philosophy
Because.

Potluck
There are numbers I remember.

Psychology
Why?

There, I did it. The "Categories" are underlined, my LEX listing is below each category. I feel so clever, though not nearly as clever as I know I could have and have been, but hey, I'm calorie deprived and not caffeinated, so this is the weakened brain. Still, I am quite happy and satisfied with my return to LEX and hopefully there are a few people who relate.

I thought about "Serious Inquiries should try someone else lol" but I did not want to get that irreverent just yet lol :)

I also almost explained the "There are numbers I remember" entry with "(and some I don't. Former Lexer returning with memories and scars. 22 years to catch up on." - or something like that. But I figure if the LEXers are not clever enough to see my "Lex Number" is way lower than most indicating an "old time LExer" then they might not be clever enough for me to want to correspond with. Maybe next time.

So, how are you? :)

I believe I overwhelmed the people who wrote me from pen pal world because I have not heard back to my response to their response to my initial letter. Alas, I must learn to hold back and take the sharing slower, but I just love babbling so much. I shall continue to reach out as I am renewing my hopefulness and am determined to keep the hope rising. There are blogs full of whining and complaining and some hard cold reality and cynicism and all that negativity that bubbles up and the blog writing is working because I feel less and less negativity and more and more hopefulness with each day.

The UCF football team, our local Orlando big-college team, is the only undefeated team left in the top division of college football. It is very exciting. Sad because UCF is Jackson's school and we don't even share a cheer about it, but separating is happening so I am bouncing around watching and cheering which was not happening a few weeks ago when I was still hanging on to the depressing feelings of betrayal and abandonment. Good news, even though I shall always be sad about her and all of the people who have chosen to turn their words into lies and drop out of my life virtually completely. She did reach out during this past week and I could tell she was trying to keep in touch and sought reassurance that I am still here for her and it was easy to say I was cuz I am cuz that is who I am. "best friends" from 50 years ago could call me and I'd happily do anything I could for them because my love never ends and forgiveness is a blessing I am blessed with.

Anyway, UCF! UCF! UCF! lol lam lolol :)

Ohio State defeated undefeated Wisconsin (Wisconsin was the only other undefeated team) which s YAY! not just cuz it left UCF as the only undefeated team but also because Rasputin and Precious are hard core Ohio State fans and I know they are cheering. Precious bought a new phone and said she is sending me $75 t pay for it and will be paying for it each month ($30 a month, I think). Hopefully she will keep her word because I will not be happy paying even more than the $50 a month I already pay fr her phone service. She's finishing her degree at UCF (so I know she's cheering for them too) and hopefully will get a good job and start paying all of her phone bill next year. Giving her a $600 birthday/holiday present (her annual phone bill) each year for the past ten years has not been in my best interests, but family is family and I am happy I was able to do in in spite of my own financial challenges (those make it an even more meaningful gift and makes the giving feel even better... that's just the way I am and I love it and wouldn't change a thing).

Meanwhile, in my own more personal experience of this life, I played two softball games today and enjoyed both in spite of losing both. I pitched really well and went 8 for 8 with two walks. Great day for me personally and the Saturday teams do not take losing too bad. After softball I met Helen for dinner and in spite of her constant negativity (it was especially high and selfish tonight, which shut me down more than usual but she gave me a really big hug which she doesn't always do so maybe she sensed it), the food was delicious at a brand new Asian buffet. I resisted desserts and rice and noodles and other stuff and had yummy shrimp and eggplant and several other things. And water. Even on my "anything goes" day (once a week while on a weight loss diet), I could have been much more decadent.

A home would be nice :)

I am laughing because Eb is away and I have the TV blaring and I sit here typing and even without snacks and extended comforts, I am enjoying the privacy and babbling (I sense blog entries are ready to start pouring out) and even the loneliness of the anniversary of "Amy" (or the sad madness of humanity) isn't depressing my bouncy good mood and hopefulness :)

So what's going on in your world? I feel so selfish rambling on all about me but I now what's going on in mind. Are birds singing? Are trees waving? Are butterflies fluttering about?? What do you see outside your window? How is family? Friends? Sun shining? Is it hot or cold where you are? What are your favorite things? Entertainment? Chocolate? Bubble gum? What TV do you watch? Seen any movies lately? Music? Any interesting correspondences or conversations? How do you feel about shoe polish? Do you ever go dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight?

So much I don't know :)

I realized that I paid $10 too much for my LEX listings. I then decided that I would pay another $5 to order three back issues because that would mean I paid an extra $42 for the next issue (above the subscription cost) and also would receive issues #43, #42, and $41. You can see how it was an obvious choice, I mean, 42, right? If you don't get it, you're probably not a hitchhiker. Keep trying. So I wrote an email to the caretakers of LEX and in it, decided I found the words to make my return in the style to which I have become accustomed. Whether they choose to print my small token of esteem and self-aggrandizement or ask me if I want to pay for each word to be published only time will tell. In any case, this is it:

I'd like to apologize to all the wonderful people I stopped writing to, quite suddenly, more than two decades ago. I hope LEX gives me the opportunity to find out if they forgive me. Sincerely, I wish I never left. Caring never stopped, just my letter-writing habit. I am sure I can come up with all sorts of reasons (some even true) if you still enjoy my irreverent sense of humor. I would blame the internet, but it was something much more insidious. It was love. Seriously, I have the scars to prove it. I survived and with madcap laughter, joyously celebrate my hopeful return to the world of sharing life in letters. May you too share that sense of nostalgia, hopefulness. and forgiveness (and touch of madness) that makes life, and correspondence, rewarding and so much fun.


lol... maybe I'm the only one amused. Wouldn't be the first time. :)

I have softball in the morning, 8:00 AM almost an hour away. I must be crazy saying I would be there but this is the new Sunday team my friend asked me to help coach and I made a commitment. I will take it easy and not hurt myself, I hope. Fatigue will make resisting stopping for food much much more challenging, but tonight's pig-out must sustain me through the week. Maybe. I need a haircut so maybe I'll find a place tomorrow. maybe not, since I'll be sweaty and once I get home I don't think I'm going to want to go out again after I shower. Finding a place/person I trust is challenging. I've looked numerous times over the past several months. Same for a doctor.

Did you enjoy this journey through my mind (or madness)?

Hope so. Please come again.

Narf :)

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