Another full day a the desk work. I was going to go out for a while, but the boss did not want me to go where I was going to go so I didn't. I could have gone somewhere else, but I decided to stay in the office and get more work done. I was so lost in work I forgot lunch, but I stopped myself long enough to eat some yogurt and prunes. I love my yogurt and prunes these days. I didn't make time to make oatmeal though.
When I got home I pooped, showered, cooked, and ate dinner. A bag of frozen onions, a bag of frozen mushrooms, a can of cheddar cheese soup, a few squirts of barbecue sauce, ketchup, and duck sauce, some garlic, a few dashes of powdered parm-romano cheese, a can of chicken, and some fat free turkey. Yes, I am a gourmet.
I am tired. I have too much energy and don't feeling like sleeping because I have so much to do and say and places to be and dance and sing and give large volumes of money away to complete strangers and then, I'm tired.
So anyway, as I was cooking after the shower (you know the water feels hotter when it is 60 degrees in the house... that's right, Eb turned the thermostat down to 60. I could turn it up to 72 and tell him if he wants rent he's going to keep the heat on and he'd probably moan about the electric bill but not turn it down, but I am living like a refugee because I am just so darned good at it. Besides, if I get any ore comfortable here than I am I might die here because I am obviously deteriorating physically from the filth, but this is a parenthetic aside that certainly does not belong in the madcap happy happy joy joy I am feeling outside of this parentheses so out dang parentheses and spot too) I turned on Hulu and found SNL because I wanted something I did not have to pay close attention to as I ran from the kitchen and back while I typed this entry while the food was cooking in the microwave.
Then, as if it was right on time and even planned, I clicked on a random episode of SNL simply because Candace Bergen's head was sideways on the little screen link for the episode (wait, maybe that makes it not as random as we thought... but anyway, whatever, it went something like this) and lo and behold it was one of my favorite episodes ever because it was from the first season and the first season of SNL is still my favorite season of SNL ever and I am in wonderful spirits remembering the spirits of that era of comedy and radicalism and drugs and rock and roll and sex and madness when everybody thought our innocence defiled by Vietnam and Nixon and yet, that seems like such an innocent time now with what's going on in the world and white house and men's pants.
I even forgive them for repeating some commercial parodies.
Mostly.
There it was, Andy Kaufman's cry song and other ridiculous stuff only the loftiest of dorks do only in front of their bathroom mirror when no one is home. Imitations and Elvis! There was Robert Klein's leg song, classic blues and other nonsense only his mother and the rest of us high on whatever was being passed around could love. There was Abba lip syncing Waterloo as the Titanic sank in those skimpy sexy outfits (they missed the boat not getting Harry on to sing Dance Band On The Titanic, but even though they were the coolest thing on television {yes, not you Tom Snyder, you were second}, they were not that cool. Trionpenin for arthritis... Spud for beer drinkers with head injuries who don't know the difference between beer and dish soap... and the girl were adorable too. Lily Tomlin, so much wonderful. Ringy dingy. There was Chevy doing his pratfalls and stupid President shtick that was just funny enough to not be censored and he is still the best Update host ever. Go ahead, hate anyone you like, I loved them all. Especially Gilda, she was and is my favorite female SNL cast member of all time. Those first few years, ahhh, what memories.
Jackson texted today to say she sometimes misses her independence and our apartment. I texted back some days I miss her like crazy. Then I realized she didn't actually say she missed me.
Seriously, I was working at my desk concentrating on some work that required some serious concentration when I suddenly thought about how many people I know and interact with daily. I know thousands of people. Then I thought about how many people know me and treat me with respect. Even more people, more thousands than I know. I actually see and interact with dozens, sometimes more than a hundred people every work day and every softball night or weekend. I have so much to do I have to say no to half the social invitations I get, at least half. This month it's busier than ever. Yet I am still so lonely deep inside because not one of those people really know me.
So I was sitting at my desk wondering if Jackson, the person who called me her BFF for years, the person who shared a small office with me for years, the person who shared living space with me for even more years, the person I took care of financially for years, the person I'd sit up nursing when she was sick or helping through anything, ever actually thought of me during her day. People used to tell us they thought we were married or at least a couple because we hung out so much for so long. Yeah, so I wondered if I mattered to her at all.
If you don't know me by now, or at least this one thing about me, I adopt people. Actually, I pay people to be my family. I have no biological family, so all through this life I've adopted someone and took care of them any way they needed for as long as they would stay. There was an entry recently that kind of laid out a time line of each person I've adopted along the way. I'd link it if I had more time. Most of the relationships were closer to parent child and only a few were romantic or physical. A few lasted for the better part of a decade. I spent everything I've earned in this lifetime helping others that way, millions, no doubt, and I'll likely work and live modestly until the day I die, but I wanted family and it was the only wanted I seemed to be able to find any. Now, alone, I ache for family again.
Actually, the precise thought was wondering at the moment I paused my intense concentration on my work projects was if she was ever sad that I don't text her anymore.
It was at that precise moment that she texted.
Yes, eerie, I know.
So I told her that I what I was thinking at that precise moment and that there are some days that I miss her like crazy and she texted back a smile and a thumbs up.
Guess she got what she wanted.
I was happy I could give her what she wanted.
I hope that was what she wanted.
Somebody out there must love the first few seasons of SNL as much as I do. Belushi's Beethoven and Bees. Edith Ann skating with Buster and that's the truth.... and who could forget Landshark! Cuz he's Chevy Chase and we're not. I wonder if General Francisco Franco is still dead. Howard Shaw and his All Nurse Band backing Lily on St. James Infirmary and all of the characters of Gilda, the best little kid in a big body I ever dreamed about, oh, those were the good old days lol. I wonder what getting high would feel like today.
So who'd believe it, this, right here, is the entry you came here to read.
Conncidences are magical.
Narf :)
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