Wait a minute, if it's that thick (the fog, remember?), then why haven't I been here? Or here or here or here or here, for that matters. In case it matters.
We're all temps.
I don't seem to be getting anywhere with Dead Like Me on the screen. I start typing and then am drawn into the dialogue and then my eyes turn toward the screen (and not just for the eye candy) and more brain cells shut down and I am (back into the show again).... I might as well be dead. Sure, I'd be missed. For a minute. The fact is I am not a part of anyone's daily life these days, in fact not even weekly and only occasional few monthly and that's only because I keep reaching out. The world and the people in it will move along just fine without me in it. The people who reach out to me when they need something will find someone else to reach out to or just make it on their own like I do. Maybe that's for the best.
Thing is, I don't want to die. I love the experience of living. Even if it is mostly for the food these days. Life is so seriously lonely when there is not someone in it on a daily basis, a continuous sharing, someone who cares how you feel every day, how you slept, how you eat and take care of yourself. Without someone sharing, sharing caring, it's all even more meaningless than it is when one is lucky enough to share the illusion of being together, partnering, or at least being there every day, if only to share the loneliness.
Remember when I used blog statistics to distract me from the loneliness and sadness of losses and poverty?... yeah, maybe that was grasping at straws so why not do it again... sure, with the ellipses and everything too... imagining I have millions of adoring fans awaiting my every word with baited breathe... I wonder how baited breath smells.
So these are the stats for the former daily blog, (e)thereal
| United States Russia Ukraine Romania France Germany United Kingdom Poland Malaysia China | 41270 17716 8317 7331 5722 5342 2294 1290 1176 1070 | Firefox Chrome Internet Explorer Opera Safari PhantomJS Mobile Safari chromeframe Maxthon Java | 42514 28394 27845 7483 2517 2443 851 224 64 63 | (37%) (25%) (24%) (6%) (2%) (2%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) |
Yeah, you can see why I could so easily enjoyed the millions of adoring fans illusion... I always wondered who were the people were... where they were from... I see all the countries and know a couple of people in them and yet, are they the ones visiting?... the people I know offline in the physical world don't visit as far as I know... nobody says they do... yet there are pages visits, a lot of page visits... mostly from the US but also from all over the world... at least there were a lot... I wonder what Ellen Muth is doing these days... she was too skinny sometimes, but I hope she didn't get fat... ... a lot of my imaginary friends were on tv...
So these are the stats for the current daily blog, in case it matters.
| United States Romania Portugal France Russia Poland United Kingdom Ireland Japan Germany | 1544 1036 401 345 87 36 22 8 7 6 | Chrome Firefox Internet Explorer Safari CriOS chromeframe GSA (Debian BingPreview Maxthon | 2014 1104 389 106 21 10 4 2 2 2 | (55%) (30%) (10%) (2%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) |
Yeah, so there is Portugal finding the new blog we see. Hello Portugal. Am I amusing or depressing or boring or something else? Does that reflect more on my words or your reading? Are you gone now? Japan is new too, Hi Japan. Shall we discuss my Japanese schoolgirl fantasy? Maybe I do not have anyone close to me in this world and anyone wh starts getting close doesn't stay. I have the knack of pushing people away. It's a sense of humor to me, it's repulsive to normal folk. Thing is, I'm not looking for a normal folk. I am looking for someone who gets me, understands me, you know, simpatico.
I'm a dreamer, remember?
Maybe death is the temp job and life is the vacation
And what if that is true? Shit, we waste it working our time away when we ought to be spending most of our time enjoying the life without the stress of wondering if we'll have enough money to live comfortably when we retire. And those are the people doing ok for themselves. There are way too many people living paycheck to paycheck crushing themselves to pay off debt. Are the few who never have to work a day in their lives happier or smarter or luckier or all three? Not the ones I've met. Money poisons their so-called humanity. That is part of becoming the filthy rich.
No wonder no filthy rich people send me money, aye?
So these are the stats for the this babbling daily blog, dirt, drama, and details
| United States Portugal France China Russia Romania Poland Germany Netherlands Philippines | 2071 416 369 365 216 187 46 23 15 13 | Chrome Internet Explorer Firefox Safari Opera CriOS Dragon chromeframe Maxthon Iron | 2831 559 338 155 23 15 7 6 4 2 | (71%) (14%) (8%) (3%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) (↓1%) |
We see that Portugal and France like this babbling blog more than the brief blog. Hi France and hello again Portugal. Bonjour and Ola. Are you enjoying your visits? China, Russia, Romania, Poland, everyone... yay. It's a small world after all.
As usual, I am still here after midnight (really it is, never mind the time date stamp... I didn't want yesterday to feel left out or lonely... it's not a good feeling) and whatever. Am I wandering in circles? Are you? I started this entry shortly after getting back here and I left work on time. Hours of what? Whining and lamenting? Statistical distractions? Processing, it is called processing.
What are you up to?
Narf :)
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