I have turned the clock upside down and give my natural circadian rhythm a chance to breath again. The night has always energized me and given me a sense of freedom that the formality of the daylight hours do not provide. The night is meant for intimacy and there was a time when I had no fear or reservation about being completely open and honest in every way and I miss that. Years of demands for conformity and betrayals of trust have slipped a whole lot of caution and query into my approach to the night (and real life) and I've learned to play the games that are expected of a normal human being. Yes, I believe I have finally succeeded in failing myself. If you ever read (and understood) the right column of the Real Time(TM) then you might get what I am conveying here. A few people in the real life might as well if they were here and in touch.
The day was made for pretenses, for conformity, for keeping the customer satisfied, for giving people whatever they said wanted. The night was made for honesty, for being real, for experiencing life without the formality and rules of the day, for giving people what they really want. What they need.
The truth is out there.
Maybe lol lam :)
Meanwhile, in the life offline, waking later each day and in spite of being busy every evening and all day in weekends I does not provide any sort of sense of accomplishment or self worth and while I am mostly internal locus of control and in spite of learning the human frailty games, the core is intact and secure. Some days lazing away at home on the internet are full of fun and wonder and others are depressing, especially when reading what the world is like out there. People are making such a mess of this world and hope for humans to survive another century, no less another decade.
more to come...
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