Going for the epic title, no doubt, or whatever. I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, after all. Or is that I'm just a little girl lost in the moment. A fool out of love, no doubt. Wishing you were somehow here again or someone was cuz I miss hugs and cuddling and touching and replacing that with food just isn't working for me all the time. Where are the snacks?
Kit Kats and sweet potato chips are my friends tonight. Just enjoy the show, you know? Thing is, I do it alone just fine, I just don't want to. That leads to all sorts of not doing. Would you like a chip? Come on, I know we are not alone in this universe. We are all part of everything, oneness and conceptual singularity and all that jazz. That is the bliss at the core, but it's still fun to share as if we are apart when we are not together, or something like that.
Where were we? Just getting home from another Saturday night Bridge tournament at Excel and the Commodore's place with Curly as the fourth. It was fun and Excel made a Shepards Pie with veggies, ground beef (though it was more like balls of ground beef) and mashed sweet potato instead of white potatos. Not bad, though not enough potato on top and dry underneath. It is stil amazing to me that Excel feeds us every time we go over. It couldn't come at a better time as it saves me money on food (or at least it would if I didn't brings snacks and other stuff cuz I feel like I should chip in to the feeding frenzy too just to be fair, after all... yes, I must accept that this social life is costing money. A tank of gas every ten days or so, maybe sooner with softball... and food, socializing always seems to require food... my choice, I know... compromise because I want social life and would go a bit stir crazy staying home in this small unfinished place for more than a day or so... this is a sleeping place). Yes, food madness abounds.
Snacking too much instead of eating balanced meals is not wise, but it is that sort of life for the moment. Bridge was fun and we finished close in points. We ended a bit early because Excel was not feeling well. Curly and I went out to buy her Pepto-Bismol and ginger ale then headed home.
Before heading to The Commodore's place I played in a softball tournament. It was the playoffs for the Saturday softball league (finally) and it was rather disorganized, as usual. One team forfeited at the last minute (with all the delays and changing dates, that was bound to happen, unfortunately) and I got a text while I was asleep asking if I could get there an hour early to start playing an hour early. Nope. So they started without me and someone else pitched the first game. That guy pitched one of the other games as well and I spent most of the afternoon in the dugout. I never hit more poorly in a tournament. I was in complete disarray mentally and never quite got revved up to play. We finished second in the tournament with the winning run at the plate and me in the on deck circle as the championship game ended 8-7. Too many errors and not enough hitting.
The friend who invited me to play in this league is probably not returning to this same team because the coach is unrealistic (especially about his own skills... he bats himself 4th every game and tries to hit home runs every at bat and usually flies out. In the field he stands and watches the ball go over his head in the outfield while other outfielders chase the ball down and thinks he is one of the fastest guys on the team when I am faster than he is and I am one of the slower guys on the team. Not knowing the game well, he does not make good decisions. He is also not organized). So I will follow my friend to another team if she moves on to another team.
There is so much hunger inside of me lately. Missing the sharing of living with Jackson, what little time she was there (but we had a two bedroom apartment so much more space than here). Missing Curious, the cat. Missing the TV friends and families (imaginary as they are). Missing a kitchen to cook in. Missing something to do during the day. Missing more social interaction. Missing others depending on me. Missing myself in so many ways. It is a strange madness, this life.
So before softball (back to the events of the day) I was sleeping in because I was up past sunrise again last night after and hanging at Curly's place because my Friday softball was off. Friday softball starts up again this week. So does Wednesday. Monday is already into it's second week. Saturday pauses for a few weeks. Sunday is in mid-season.
So how are you? :)
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