Tuesday, May 24, 2016

And What Have We Done?

An almost meaninglessly loose reference to Lennon's xmas song that is actually meant to ask so did anything get accomplished today? Softball, we won and I forget the score. I got on base three times out of four (a very long fly ball to left was my one out... I don't usually hit that far and everyone said great hit and I said laughing, that's what I get on everybody about meaning I keep telling the power hitters to stop going for home runs which become long outs and to focus on hard ground balls and line drives... most everybody laughed). I felt good physically for the first time in a while so the rest I got taking this weekend off worked wonders for the body. The tournaments were a lot of fun according to the people who went and I was a little sad I missed them, but the body was happy.

I stuck around to watch the girls league (I play with or have played with more than a dozen of the girls on co-ed teams) and waited for Jackson who had an 8:30 game (Mine was at 6:30 and was over about 7:35). We talked for a few minutes and then I watched her and her team play. They won. They are a good team and were the champs in the Sunday league though Jackson can't play with them on Sundays because she works on Sundays. I don't want that to happen to me but we won'y get into the whole work-stress crap just now. Going from spending time with her every day to spending maybe 15 minutes with her between softball games every other week or so is challenging for me since I am not as busy as her (the 50 hours a week work would occupy is only filled with maybe 20-25 hours of helping Curly and coming home to this place alone where there is no Tv or kitchen or much to do is not fun), but then, I thought we were a lot closer than we apparently were since she seems fine with it and doesn't seem to miss me much. Sigh, my never ending quest to find really close family seems to have failed again. She's still my little sister if she ever needs me though cuz that is the way I am cuz that is the way I want to be.

After the games I did not go out to the sports bar with the teams, though I should have for my emotional and social hunger, but rather I saved money and went to taco bell (stupid, again, but I was indulging myself with emotional eating when wisdom would have taken me home to eat less calories and save the $10... though I do have lunch for tomorrow or the next day because I only ate half of what I bought). It was 10pm by the time Jackson's game was over... Monday nights, people work in the morning.

I would love to find a night owl or few like me. Our culture is so alcohol dependant is is sick (and I don't mean a good sick). I search for "night owls" or "night people" and all I find are bars and clubs. I search for "awake at night" and all that comes up are sites that treat being awake at night as a problem. I am a nocturnal being in a world that has no place for nocturnal beings. I am a non-drinker in a social world addicted to alcohol. I am a giver in a world of takers. I just don't fit in here.

So I wadnered off to explore do some more searches and it just got worse and yet somehow I applied for a half dozen jobs in the time I wandered away from here. Against my will, mind you, for I really do not want to deal with the judgments and prejudices I've been dealing with in the job search and interview process and I am not sure I want to be working for anyone right now, but I shall see what happens if I am contacted.

Jackson texted this morning as if she read about how disappointed in her I am and wanted me to know she loved me and in a few weeks maybe she'll have me over for dinner. She said Curious (her cat) misses me. I may be too cyunical at the moment to believe anyone cares, but whatever, I know everyone cares to their limits and just because I have few if any limits does not mean i should compare how much I care (or do) for others to how much others care (or do) for me. Yeah, sensible crap like that is not what I am in the mood to hear after the job application process. I cancelled out of one after a half hour of taking a psychological test when they asked for my social security number. What kind of crap is that, asking for a full social security number online as part of an application process. Yes, La Quinta, I amk talking about you. My Internet Security Program, Kaspersky, blocked your the site you sent me to for that request.

I'm going out to finally get the car serviced now. Maybe I won't be so grumpy later.

Blah blah blah, narf.

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