Grinding Gears

Alrighty then... as you can see from the previous brief entries, not to mention the last two in this blog, some digestive juices have been flowing through my psyche and as with all emo sessions, the full gamut (or is that a spectrum) of dirt, drama, and details poured out from the pity-party fool to the slow crawl back to self-reliant positivity (few have been around or have read enough to know my process and most respond as if I am in dire trouble or worse, but simply whether you believe it or get it or understand it or not, I only go down so I can come back up again... hitting a bit of bottom is necessary when drowning because propelling off the bottom gets me back to air again and so far, I've not drowned... at least I don't think I have... breathing counts, right?).

Laughter should be happening. If you are not laughing, you doubt my process which is fine, but I hope you don't stress or worry too much. I appreciate caring and concern and support, but don't worry, be happy. Now more than ever.

Actually, the "bottom" in this case is the bottom line. reaching a decision about something and accepting it, even if it is the last decision or realization I ever want to get to. So as I started saying in previous entries (we won't rehash the painful sadness of acceptance of bottom lines for now), it is time to move on and in a very real sense, give up on depending on people once again. Not completely, but very much big time stepping away. The good news is I made a bit of progress. I shifted into low gear partly from a metaphoric emo-psyche perspective (major changes in acceptance are best handled in low gear to prevent additional internal damage and minimize PTSD) and also because the body simply requires some low gear action when taking on seriously physical labor. That is how not to die, I think, while still maxing out physical productivity as the body ages.

So after waking last night around 2:30am, I did not go on Facebook, I instead released the emo that was building up. The painfully sad acceptance of loss and betrayal shall pass and the hope that all is not lost can grow from the ashes. I returned to work email (I have a specific address on my resume and on job sites) and wandered through and sent out a bunch of resumes for jobs that stretch the limits of my knowledge, abilities, and tolerance. After the very positive computer time, I showered and headed out around 7:30am to get the finally car serviced and after a few phone calls and visiting multiple places, I finally decided on doing it at Wal-Mart. First I stopped at Wal-Mart and found their oil change was $30 which was the same price the dealer quoted. I noticed a lesser service $20 oil change and almost went with that, but the wait was at least 2 hours so I called the dealer from the Wal-Mart parking lot and asked if they could get my in today. The first girl said 2:30pm. I asked price and she couldn't tell me and she said there were no service reps to tell me price either. I said thanks and I'd think about it.

I drove back around to the Wal-Mart service area and found a truck blocking the entry to the service area. I called the dealer again and another girl said come right in. I headed to the dealer. At the dealer, I was told the oil change would be $60 (or was it $70?) and the car was also due for a 20,000 mile service and he started rattling off prices for all the stuff they were going to do. Nope, thanks, I drove back to Wal-Mart.

At Wal-Mart, I learned that my particular car requires a very specific full synthetic oil and a very specific filter and to change that filter you had to have a very specific tool only the dealer sells, but it was not a worst case scenario situation. Wal-Mart negotiated over the past year with the oil manufacturers and with the car manufactere and now stocks the right oil and the right filter and even the right tool. So $58 later (including tax and all), the car finally has the service required (the wheel alignment and tire balancing and other stuff the dealerwanted to do will just have to wait which will mean I will have to replace the tires a year or two earlier than I might have to if I spent the money now, but I drive over speed bumps almost daily which through balance and alignment out so paying for that service is almost a waste of money). Yeah, first world problems.

While at the world's worst exploiter of the poor (ok, maybe there are worse exploiters, but I say Wal-Mart ranks right up there with the worst of them... ethics be damned, I am trying to save money so I don't lose the car right now and the people who work there providing the service I need are good people, friendly people, and I am simply not changing the world today), I bought six cases of water (yes, I still don't have drinking water here) and a loaf of bread and four cans of soup. I know, canned foods, especially canned soups have way too much salt (and often chemicals), but I am where I am in life (still no kitchen or usable sink) and gotta do what I've gotta do to survive.

After taking care of the car I headed to Curly's and accompanied him on one job assessing repairs on an air conditioner. I hung out in the car as there were two air conditioner guys meeting Curly there (he is doing less of the work and sub-contracting more) and the girl has a small attic apartment so I figured I'd be unnecessary cramping. I sat outside imagining all sorts of porn situations going on in the little attic apartment. I know, I have a very bored imagination and am probably a lot lonelier than I want to be aware of. Or maybe I am just seeking to amuse us.

We headed back to his place and we both took naps. I woke to find him cooking dinner for tonight. He enjoys chopping stuff and has home-grown spices and stuff so we always have onions and garlic and other stuff seasoning our foods. Dinner was cheeseburgers, finally, as I was craving them for a few weeks. I mixed all the ingredients into the meat (which was so cold I had to rinse my hands under hot water five or six times before I felt the meat was mixed enough). We added onions and garlic and cloves (Curly's favorite spice) and peppers and eggs and various other sauce-stuffs. I bought cheese (Velveete and Cheddar slices) and the cheeseburgers were delicious. I miss Cheeburger Cheeburger.

Tuesday Night cards was the usual fun with Excel and Knobby and Curly (others were busy... the Commodore was baby-sitting Excel's daughter {he can only make Tuesday Nights when her older son is home to babysit} and Elton was getting prepared for this weekend's softball tournament in Atlanta... I usually go, but I chose not to so I don't spend money... I am sad), although everybody was pretty tired and running in low gear so i fit in well.

We called it a night just after midnight and I almost fell sleep while plaing Ruzzle (Finished 4th this week). In my head there was a goal to wake early again and get some things done.

We are having fun sharing like this, right? :)