Typing is challenging while strolling along so I sit to type but then, sitting is not comfortable lately so I suppose I need to set up a standing typing station (like I have space here) until the sitting is comfortable again. I am taking the fissure more seriously and keeping it moist with warm water and also vaseline until I go to the store and buy other stuff. So we've been distracted from the babbling already and now the neck steps up and I forgot if I took a blood pressure pill this morning so I am gonna take another and then another tonight and hopefully my kidneys do not explode and my liver survives cuz life is kinda tough do without kidneys and livers and other beans, ya know?
you know that you own them
it's all up to you, do
whatever you choose
live like you're dying
and never stop trying
it's all you can do
use what's been given to you
Maybe a little too much external power reference in that last line and maybe another place in the song, but maybe I'll accept it as creative license and enjoy the possibility that she really gets it cuz my interpretation of the words is my reality even if it is not the writer's intent cuz words are free radicals once they are shared.
Wait, there's a reality?...
LOL, ok, so I went back to bed around 9am and slept until just after 1pm and sit here now slightly groggy and feeling a little bloated and the ear is ringing loudly which is a sign of fatigue and/or blood pressure and/or stress so sitting bad and meditating would be a great idea except sitting is stressful at the moment so I guess I will just stroll along some more. I feel really bloated and yet I did not eat or drink in at least the last sixteen hours which also points to fatigue (not sure if bloat can also be associated with blood pressure, but it might make sense) and I could probably sleep more but then I will likely be up all night again and I am trying not to do that especially now that Sunday softball is over so I will not be automatically out in the sunshine and fresh air all day Sunday so I need to remember to get out in the sunshine and fresh air more so maybe I ought to get dressed and head out the door... where?
Must there always be a destination? Only if I get in the car because I do not want to keep spending $20 a week or more on gas while I am not working. From here to Curly's is 15 to 16 miles depending on the route I take. From here to Excel's is about 14 miles. From Curly's to Excel's it's about 16 miles. So as much as I'd like to drive to Curly's to get better dinner (even if I buy the food, it can be cooked differently or grilled there, luxuries I don't have here with only a microwave), if I then drive him to Excel's and then back to his place it's about 62 miles, about 2 gallons of gas, about $4.50 depending on gas prices (and it moves me closer to the $60 oil change with each trip). We play at Exdel's twice a week, so that would be $9 a week in gas. Then there are tolls going from Curly's to Excel's and back, about $3 each way. That is much faster than the main street with all the lights and potential traffic. Softball and the Tuesday night trip to Curly's and incidental driving accounts for the rest of the $20 a week in gas alone (not tolls) I've been averaging lately. I can drive straight to Excel's for less than a dollar without tolls. Seems to make more sense and Excel does feed me, but I feel like I am taking to much and not giving back enough if she feeds me twice a week. I at least keep food in Curly's fridge and restock regularly. Guess I should talk to Excel about that. Poverty is not much fun when one wants a social life.
Let's not even bring the dining out aspect of social life into it. The only time some people get together, especially groups and the opportunity to meet new people, is for lunch or dinner out and that is a luxury I mus cut out completely. Speaking of dining out, Jackson texted me and invited me to lunch on June 3rd. I wonder if that is a guilt treat or if she actually wants to get together and catch up. We have little or no clue what is going in each others lives lately and after knowing every little detail for so many years, it is weird to see her now. It is definitely the parent separation feeling I've had many times with others along the way. I don't think that is the way real best friend separate. I still want to know everything, but she doesn't really want to know what is going on in my life (except to ask if I am working yet) because she does not like discomfort and feels guilty. Mostly she really does not have time for anything but work most days (still doing 16-18 hour work days). I know, enough lamenting about losing my former BFF and baby sister already. Drifting apart is not fun, especially when living alone. I must remember to thank Dave again and more often for being there for me this year. Thinking about where I'd be without him is not a pleasant thought. It is getting too hot for me to be on the streets in Orlando.
Life's twists sure are... not sure just what word fits there. My babblings before the internet were so different cuz there was no thought of money for many years. This period of poverty is the result of my selfless generosity and poor retirement planning and desire to spend a lot of years of this life not working and enjoying free time (14 years so far since I became legal and I was out of the parental house and independent at 17 years old). The only thing I might do differently is putting a cap on the giving once it started tapping into my various retirement plans that I cashed in over the years. Never thought I'd be alone this far down the line, la la la.
I seem to be meandering along as I stroll, aye?
Time to play the cards :)
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