So Much To Know

Yes, a life has so many tiny details. Last entry I shared a layout of the house I currently live in. From there, we could drill down to what each space contains and further, what each compartment (closet, cabinet, fridge, etc) contains and so on. We can also detail expand outward into the neighborhood. We can share more about me and the people licinf in this house. We could share the history of the neighborhood (Curly lived here his whole life so he remembers when there were just a few houses within a dozen square miles). We could explore why I am sitting on an unside-down folded cushion typing these words to you at 3:30am instead of sleeping.

We barely scratch the surface in our sharing and even as I dream of the one who wants to know everything (and I mean literally and figuratively everything and more), even the one would need to be selective as there simply is not enough time in a lifetime to share everything. Ok, so for the sake of selectivity and with the hope that knowing more about me is one of the primary reasons you come to read this babbling detail blog (and if that's not the case, skip ahead because I will probably babble on about something else in the next entry cz we all need a little {or a lot of} distraction sometimes).

I woke during a light sleep cycle and usually during a light sleep cycle my bladder wants to be emptied because I take a blood pressure medication that contains a diuretic that keeps my kidneys working overtime to keep my blood volume down to keep my blood pressure down so it does not cause a stroke or heart attack and disable or kill me. I started taking the medication because I trusted a doctor who told me 130/90 is high blood pressure and I should go on medication. She had bells palsy and was overreactive to blood pressure. She kept giving me free samples of the medications, the drug company's way of getting people hooked. The medication caused kidney issues at first and then dependancy and now if I stop taking it my blood pressure can shoot to 180/110 way too easily and even with the medication at max dose it can still read 150/90 at times. I did let her switch medications a few times and she finally stopped seeing me as a patient because I was not returning for check ups because I did not want to continue to be her blood pressure medication guinea pig. I drink a lot of water because I have a history of kidney stones. So I wake after a few hours, sometimes 2 and sometimes 4, because my sleep cycle is about two hours.

I usually can fall right back to sleep but since the changes that are still affecting and effecting and defecting and deflecting and distracting and reacting and fracking fucking with me (well, are we going a little emo there?... ll, that's the defense mecca, ya know?... defense mechanism, not religious tool, but then, they can be one and the same which is a completely side saddled other tangent for another time) there are stressors that start swirling thoughts around my mind and there are just a few choices. I could remain in bed letting the swirling thoughts raise my blood pressure while I hope sleep returns (sometimes very low odds). I could get up and eat something as food sometimes helps me sleep (very unhealthy). I could lay in bed playing games on my phone until the battery runs out and not have an alarm clock in the morning (or I could but an extension cord and risk strangulation falling asleep with the phone connected wherever the phone lands after I fall asleep). I could get dressed and go out for a jog until I am too exhausted to think again (very health option when I was in shape, but these days I do not have the stamina to jog myself into mindlessness like I used to... jogging or running only becomes meditation when there is enough stamina to do it long enough to lose one's conscious thoughtstream in the patter of steps). I could get up and sit here and type, even if I am sitting rather uncomfortably on an upside-down chair cushion. I chose the last option once again.

So you may ask why the uncomfortable cushion. Well I may choose to tell you evem if that detail is not exactly typical dinner conversation. Being of a certain age and at least twenty (at the moment close to forty) pounds overweight, and taking a angiotensin converting enzyme (blood pressure medication), and not exercising enough, and most of all, sitting back in this aging recliner way too much, I have the occasional hemmerhoid. I have been H-free (I'll assume you can figure out what the capital H stands for) for almost a year, but developed my first anal fissure ever (previous hemmerhoids were on the border of internal and external and they responded well to Prep-H suppositories or cream... a fissure is external and this is my first bleeder, which is disconcerting or concerning or otherwise probably one of the many reasons I am awake sitting here on this up-side down cushion that is not very comfortable for the back but virtually removes all of the weight that would be directly on the coccyx without the up-side down cushion) in the past week or so and it is definitely presenting as a challenge as I do not have a bathtub or even a sink with hot/cold running water. So I shower a lot, though not enough because I perspire a lot more. The water bill here will be going up as I must start showering at least a few times a day. I may try one of thoae sitz bath things that fit over a toilet seat, but I really do not see how they work because the butt is smaller than the bowl so I wonder how the butt gets into the bowl, submerged, no less. You'd think after decades working health care I would know this, but it's one area I've not experienced in my professional life. My direct patient care was emergency room and psychiatric and all other roles were supervisory or higher in long term care with nursing staff handling the physical care issues. As I said, so much to know, aye?

So I will consider buying an over-the-toilet sitz bath and a coccyx protecting cushion and PrepH pads and cream and maybe another remedy tomorrow and that brings us to the most likely reason I am away, stress over losing the car and the stuff that has been in storage for two decades (anyone suggesting I let that stuff go might asd well give that though up as it seems I will not do that and that leads to the stress of the dillemma of not having the money to go get the stuff or the money/space to store the stuff if I did bring it all down here even though I now have the time to do that) and the poor diet and lack of comforts and cleanliness and all the other realities that come from living without income so yes, money stress is likely the promary cause for not falling right back to sleep after waking to go to the bathroom. Can any of this be helping the blood pressure or the kidneys?

Yes, so what else would you like (or not like) to know?

Is it rude to laugh now? lol lam llH laa :)

Narf :)